My breastfeeding story. AKA: Why I am a lactivist.

When my first baby was born in 2005, I knew from the get go that she was going to be breastfed. I read all the literature, discussed it endlessly with my Mom (who breastfed three babies in the 70's and 80's) and even bought a pump for when I went back to work. So when my precious little baby girl was born at 3:12 in the afternoon via emergency c-section, I had visions of them bringing this tiny bundle of pink joy into my room and letting her latch for the first time while I gazed at her lovingly. Yeah, so anyway, three hours later they brought this little pink bundle to me and she was even more beautiful than I had imagined. So after I unwrap her and count fingers and toes, I decide it is time to get the relationship started right. I ask a nurse to help me get her started on breastfeeding. Nevermind the FORMULA that they had already given her in the nursery, you know, because her blood sugar was low. ARGGHH. I tried and tried to get that child to latch and she would just not do it. So eventually I call in a lactation consultant, who was basically no help and they end up delivering a pump to my room. Okay, well, at least she is getting it one way or another. So we leave the hospital and the next two weeks are full of me attempting to nurse a child that will not latch, failing, crying, pumping and lots of sleepless nights. I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore. I was done. I just wanted to do formula and stop feeling like a failure. I called my Mom and my sister and told them I was done. I needed to hear someone besides my sweet husband say it was okay. They were so supportive. So that night, after fussing and worrying all day, I laid down in my bed with my little baby and prayed that I was making the right decision. I fell asleep with her in my arms. A couple of hours later, she woke up for the 1st of her 4000 feedings per night and before I got up to pump, I decided to give side lying one last shot. By now you can probably guess what happened. Yup, that kid finally latched!!! I would love to say that from then on it was a breeze and we had that beautiful breastfeeding relationship you read about in books, but it wasn't quite that magical. I still ended up pumping A LOT and only made it to 6 months of exclusive breastmilk, but it was a triumph of epic proportions in my book and the very reason I am now a full-on lactivist!